Jeremy Renner
were you saying something
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that
I was too busy staring at your face
and your arms
and your everything
I watched Liam’s livestream last night. I have a developing crush on that boy. I don’t know why I became sort of a fan; it just happened. I never thought it would, but it did. What I can only say in defense is that I am a teenage girl, so really, it was bound to happen, one way or another.
His accent is worthy of a faint. British-Irish, are you fucking kidding me.
But really, someday I will become an amazing doctor and I will be healing people like nobody’s business.
On a different but not entirely-unrelated side note, I am frustrated because we went to the hospital days ago and my sister told me the concierge guy was super handsome. Even my mom confirmed it. So disappointing I didn’t get to see his face. Oh well.
College is a year away, and I’m scared out of my wits.
It’s disconcerting to dwell on the fact that when you look back at your first day of high school, it seems so recent, like it was just yesterday or maybe a week or so ago, but in truth three years had already passed unnoticed. How the fuck did that happen? Time has this uncanny tendency to make such complete fools out of us humans.
How will I do in my classes? Will I make any new friends that are worth keeping? What about lunch, where will I eat lunch? And who will I eat lunch with? And what about my free periods? Will I wander around the campus, alone and awkward and friendless? What about the college itself: what if I don’t qualify for my dream university? What will I do with my life? Work at McDonald’s, maybe. Or live in a cupboard under some stairs.
God, this is all too much to think about at the moment. The future is overwhelming. But it really is scary to think of the day when the results are posted on their website and I type my long-ish name in the search bar and next thing you know I am looking at the words no results found. My life will probably lose meaning at that exact moment but maybe it’s best not to think of it like that.
No, I will get in, and I will magically transform into one of them unconventionally-beautiful college girls; unusually intelligent and bursting with much needed confidence. Yes, it will happen. If it doesn’t happen there’s always the cupboard option. Hahaha.
Really wonderful book.
It’s beyond a love story, I think. When I read it I felt all kinds of feelings and not just the typical ones like the warm, fuzzy sensations in your chest or the blood rushing towards your cheeks. I felt sadness and sympathy and heartbreak and fear. It scared me, how everything happened at a sickeningly fast speed. It frightened me how unpredictable the future is. It seemed like such a beautiful, beautiful place at first; full of promise and sunshine and success. But then suddenly you find yourself in the middle of it and you feel dizzy and you’re head is spinning and this is not what you planned for yourself and you’re thinking, surely, undoubtedly, this is not what you deserve. I guess it won’t occur to you immediately that this is the so-called ‘future’ you’ve rambled on and on about when you were young and naive. No, it won’t hit you until it slaps you in the face with a giant wet noodle.
Right now I am young and foolish and naive and I have all the right in the world to use my youth as an excuse for messing up. But in a few short years I won’t have that kind of privilege, and that fact scares me beyond anything.
